LAUGH LINES

Them’s Fighting Words: “One critic said Brad Pitt’s new movie, ‘Fight Club,’ blatantly incites men who are unintelligent and insecure to extreme violence. I don’t agree. In fact, that review makes me so mad I just want to kick that critic’s butt.” (Alex Kaseberg)

Thought They Looked Familiar: “After Senate Republicans voted down his nuclear test ban treaty, President Clinton accused them of being ‘new isolationists.’ Republican Senators assured the president they are the same old isolationists he’s been burdened with for years.” (Jerry Perisho)

Snooze Time: “Al Gore and Bill Bradley have agreed to a televised debate, and under the terms of the debate there will be a moderator who asks each candidate a question and is then kept awake with a cattle prod.” (Conan O’Brien)

He Oughta Know: “President Clinton said . . . that Philip Morris waited way too long to admit that cigarettes cause cancer. You know how Clinton feels when you’ve been caught doing something wrong--you should admit it right away and not try to weasel out of it.” (Jay Leno)

It’ll Cost Him: Al Gore has landed the AFL-CIO’s endorsement. “Not without cost, however. If elected, he must replace ‘Hail to the Chief’ with ‘Look for the Union Label.’ “(Bob Mills)

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